Yoshi-nocchio
by AGP1990
Summary: This is Carlo Collodi's immortal classic, Pinocchio, told with Mario characters instead. Songs (C) 1940 Walt Disney Music Lyrics: Ned Washington Music: Leigh Harline


Once upon a time, in a small suburban area of the Mushroom Kingdom, there lived a cricket named Mario. Every day and night he hopped all around town hoping for shelter, but to no avail. One day – I believe it was late in September of 1826 – he found himself near the shop of a carpenter named Toadsworth, who had obtained some pine wood to furnish a table. With the last piece, however, there came a great surprise for, as he grabbed his pocket knife to peel the bark away, he thought he heard a faint noise and fell in shock.

At that moment somebody knocked at the door. It was Toadsworth's friend, Luigi.

"Why are you on the floor?" he asked.

"Dropped my knife," Toadsworth answered, noticing the pocket knife next to his left arm. "And why are you here, Luigi?"

"I had planned to make a marionette – one that can dance and turn somersaults. Then I'll earn enough money for lotsa spaghetti and wine."

"Oh, I've got just the wood for you – and it's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough carpentry supplies."

"How much?" Luigi asked.

"It's free," Toadsworth said, grabbing the wood that had frightened him and handing it to Luigi.

"Thank you," Luigi said, and with that he walked home. Outside the door he saw Mario.

"How would you like to live in my house, little cricket?" Luigi asked.

"Oh, thank you!" Mario exclaimed. "I've looked all over town for shelter every night for the past nine months. Now I have a home!"

At Luigi's house, which was comfortable despite being very small, Mario made himself at home while Luigi carved the wood into a marionette. He heard a few chuckles but paid no attention to them as he worked. When he was all done he showed it to Mario.

"Hey, Mario! Look what I made!" "It's a marionette, Luigi! You didn't make it!" "It's a Yoshi. I carved it!" "Well, what are you gonna name him?" "I think I'll call him Yoshi-nocchio," Luigi said, putting him on the shelf. "If only Yoshi-nocchio were a real Yoshi," he lamented. At this moment Mario began to sing:

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do

Fate is kind

She brings to those who love

The sweet fulfillment of

Their secret longings

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

"Oh, thank you for that wonderful song!" said Luigi. Then he looked outside and said, "Oh, star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight. I wish Yoshi-nocchio were a real Yoshi." And he went to bed immediately afterward.

He had not been asleep for fifteen seconds when his wish was granted by the Pink Fairy. This awoke Mario and he was surprised to see her. "What brings you here?" he asked. "I have come to grant Luigi's wish," the Pink Fairy replied. And with the touch of her magical locket Yoshi-nocchio came to life.

"Yay, I'm real!" he said.

"Not yet," replied the Pink Fairy, "but you will be a real Yoshi if you behave properly."

"What does that mean?" Mario asked.

"My dear Mario," she said, changing his ragged clothes into a gentlemanly outfit, "Yoshi-nocchio must show courage, honesty and selflessness to all."

"You mean I need to be nice?" asked Yoshi-nocchio.

"Exactly," replied Mario. He then turned to the Pink Fairy and asked, "Now where's my conscience certificate?"

"Just sign here," she said, "and you will assist Yoshi-nocchio as his conscience." She then turned to Yoshi-nocchio and said, "Now prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, and you shall become a real Yoshi." And with that she disappeared into the night.

At this point in time Luigi woke up. "Oh, what a dream I had," he yawned. "I dreamt that Yoshi-nocchio was a real Yoshi – and he's alive!" "You just missed the Pink Fairy," Mario said. "She gave me this nice new suit – and it was free!" Luigi was happy to see Yoshi-nocchio dance for him without any strings; but all the same it was bedtime for all three of them.

"Oh, do I have to go to bed so soon?" Yoshi-nocchio asked.

"Well, like they say in Brooklyn, early to bed, early to catch the worm," Luigi answered. "Or is it the bagel?"

"I was hoping for toast myself," said Mario. And with that the three of them went to bed.

The next morning – I'm pretty sure it was a Friday, as Mario dreamt of having some freshly fried Cheep-Cheep for dinner – Luigi got Yoshi-nocchio ready for school, handing him a new alphabet book and three fresh pears. Yoshi-nocchio ate the pears without a second thought, spitting out only the cores and stems.

Two shady little Koopas were talking to one another along the street. "Are you planning to see Iggy's show tonight, Lemmy?" one asked. "Not really, Larry," replied Lemmy. "Another load of kids is planning to go to Koopa Island. Roy's ship sails at midnight. I wonder what's for dinner." "Oh, boy!" shouted Larry. "I'm so hungry I could eat lotsa mashed potatoes."

At this Yoshi-nocchio walked by. "Would you look at that?" queried Larry. "It's a Yoshi marionette." "Are you kidding? Marionettes don't skip to school," replied Lemmy. "Well, this one does," said Larry, "and he's perfect for Iggy's show."

Lemmy cupped his hands in front of Yoshi-nocchio while his eyes were closed. "Guess who?" "You can't fool me! You're Lemmy Koopa," cried Yoshi-nocchio.

"Right on the first try!" Larry cried. "Come on, Yoshi-nocchio! On to the theater!" And they broke into this jaunty little piece:

Hi Diddly Dee!

An actor's life for me!

A high silk hat and a silver cane!

A watch of gold on a diamond chain!

Hi Diddly Day!

An actor's life is gay!

It's great to be a celebrity!

An actor's life for me!

Meanwhile Mario rushed out, late for his appointment as conscience to Yoshi-nocchio. Mario recognized him as the song continued:

Hi Diddly Dee!

An actor's life for me!

A wax mustache and a beaver coat!

A pony cart and a Billy goat!

Hi Diddly Dum!

An actor's life is fun!

You wear your hair in a pompadour!

You ride around in a coach-and-four!

You stop and buy out a candy store!

An actor's life for me!

Hi Diddly Dee

An actor's life for me!

With clothes that come from the finest shops!

And lots of peanuts and soda pops!

But it came to an abrupt end – with a loud "HALT!" ushered from Mario, who turned to Yoshi-nocchio. "Look, these no-good Koopas are just conning you, Yoshi-nocchio! You're going to school – and not to the theater. There they are."

"Oh, where were we, Larry?" asked Lemmy. "I remember now. On to the theater!" Larry cheered. Mario was worried. He didn't know what to do, so he went after Yoshi-nocchio as the song resumed:

Hi Diddly Dee!

An actor's life for me!

A high silk hat and a silver cane!

A watch of gold on a diamond chain!

Hi Diddly Day!

An actor's life is gay!

It's great to be a celebrity!

An actor's life for me!

"I'll get Yoshi-nocchio back to Luigi or else," Mario panted as he ran off, "but it'll be pretty unlikely with these con-men." And boy, was he right!

"Ladies and gentlemen," Iggy said that evening, "it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to the latest addition to my puppet show, Yoshi-nocchio!" And with this Yoshi-nocchio began to sing this:

I've got no strings to hold me down

To make me fret or make me frown

I had strings but now I'm free

There are no strings on me

Hi o the merio

That's the only way to be!

I want the world to know

Nothing ever worries me

I've got no strings so I have fun

I'm not tied up to anyone

They've got strings but you can see

There are no strings on me!

He also appeared to dance for them. The crowd cheered wildly for him. Even Mario was amused – but not at the way Yoshi-nocchio sang. He was more interested in getting Yoshi-nocchio out of there quickly.

When it was all over Yoshi-nocchio talked to Iggy about it. "Oh, you're staying with me, Yoshi-nocchio," Iggy said, locking him in a cage. "I don't want to stay in a cage! I want to be free!" "Not over my dead body!" shouted Iggy. Inside the trailer Mario came in and saw Yoshi-nocchio in the cage. "You were right, Mario," sobbed Yoshi-nocchio. "I should have gone to school." "It's all my fault, my little wooden friend," lamented Mario. Yoshi-nocchio wasn't sure about what Mario said; but as he undoubtedly meant to be nice, the matter quietly slipped away.

At this the Pink Fairy appeared. "How did you get inside that cage, Yoshi-nocchio?" she asked.

"I ran into a FAYAH SUMO and ran away from it as fast as I could! Then I hitched a ride to Sarasaland! Then I got picked up by Iggy Koopa and he locked me in a cage for a trip to Dinosaur World!"

With all this Yoshi-nocchio saw his tongue grow longer – so long, in fact, that he could hardly speak. The Pink Fairy laughed and sang:

Liar, liar, pants on fire

Your tongue is longer than a telephone wire

Ask me, buddy, why you're blue

You know just what has happened to you

Don't tell me different, know it's a lie

I can relate when you sit and cry

Mario grabbed his umbrella and, moving his right hand back and forth as if it were a guitar, sang:

Lies! Lies!

You're telling me that you'll be true!

Lies! Lies!

That's all I ever get from you!

Lies! Lies!

I can't believe a word you say!

Lies! Lies!

They mad your tongue grow long today!

"Now please tell me what really happened, Yoshi-nocchio," the Pink Fairy said.

"I was on my way to school when Lemmy and Larry Koopa gave me to Iggy, who locked me in the cage!" And with that the tongue – surprise – was the normal size.

"Very well, Yoshi-nocchio," the Pink Fairy said. "I will set you free; but you must be honest."

"I promise not to lie again." And she opened the cage, freeing Yoshi-nocchio and Mario. They set off into the night, not knowing that Luigi was still looking for them.

At the Red Blooper Inn, Larry and Lemmy told Roy about what they had discovered earlier that day. "Remarkable," Roy said. "Did he like Iggy?"

"Not a bit," said Lemmy.

"He can come with me to Koopa Island. I'm leaving in an hour and a half."

"O frabjous day! Callooh, Callay!" shouted Larry.

"But nobody's coming back… as BOYS!"

Outside, they saw Yoshi-nocchio walking home.

"Are you tired of the theater and desperate to get a good education?" Lemmy asked.

"I don't like Iggy! I'd rather be some occupation other than an actor!"

"Then you, my friend, must have a vacation to… Koopa Island!" cried Larry.

And the song began again:

Hi Diddly Dee

It's Koopa Isle for me

Where every day is a holiday

And not one person cares what you say!

Hi Diddly Doo

It's Koopa Isle for you!

It's very pleasant and fancy free

It's Koopa Isle for me!

At the dock Yoshi-nocchio saw a lazy and naughty boy named Toad-wick, who was eager to go to Koopa Island.

"What are you doing here Toad-wick?" Yoshi-nocchio asked.

"I am waiting for midnight, and then I am going to Koopa Island, the most delightful place in the world! There are no schools or books there, and every day is a holiday!" Toad-wick cried.

At last, Roy arrived without making the slightest noise; the coach's wheels were bound with flax and rags. It was drawn by eight Spinies, all the same size but of different colors. Some were green, some blue and some red; but each Spiny had men's boots on their feet instead of being barefoot like most Koopas. Upon arrival, Yoshi-nocchio and Toad-wick smoked cigars and drank beer to their hearts' content.

But Roy had other plans. His secret plan was to sell the boys as Spinies and Goombas for his father's army. These two learned it the hard way, but Mario learned it through the cages himself. Occasionally he'd hear "Gioacchino" or "Antonio" from a Spiny or "Claudio" or "Gaetano" from a Goomba, but it was mostly just a bunch of whimpers. Mario had to tell Yoshi-nocchio.

It was almost too late. Toad-wick had already transformed into a Goomba, and Yoshi-nocchio had just grown the spikes and tail of a green Spiny. He and Mario escaped into the night, and together they swam back to Luigi's house. They only wished they'd known where he was.

As Mario and Yoshi-nocchio arrived at Luigi's home they received a visit from a blue Koopa Paratroopa. "Telegram from the Pink Fairy," he said. Mario read it:

Dear Yoshi-nocchio,

In case you want to know, I am far out at sea. I am dwelling quite peacefully in a giant Porcupuffer named Bestia.

Love, Papa Luigi

"We need to rescue Papa Luigi!" cried Yoshi-nocchio.

"Get on my back and I'll take you to the Dolphins who know where Bestia is," said the Koopa Paratroopa.

On the shore were two dolphins, one to support the Koopa Paratroopa and the other for Yoshi-nocchio and Mario. The five of them dove into the sea in search of Bestia. Eventually (it was, in fact, only three minutes) they found her and Luigi inside her. Upon being eaten by the giant fish, Mario said, "Now I know how a meatball feels!"

"Yoshi-nocchio!" Luigi cried. "It's been awhile since I'd last seen you!"

"How are we getting out?"

"I guess we'll have to smoke our way out. Now I'll get my wood and we'll build a fire."

"You didn't tell me you brought firewood, Luigi!" exclaimed Mario.

"That's Papa Luigi to you, Mario!" Luigi wheezed, building a pile of wood in a square formation and grabbing a lit candle. "Hold on, Yoshi-nocchio! We'll be in for a wild ride!" Mario cried as Luigi lit the wood and started a fire.

Bestia felt some smoke coming out and sneezed so loudly that she blew the three of them out of her mouth and into the open. As they arrived on land Luigi cried out "Yoshi-nocchio!" But he didn't get an answer. A few feet ahead of him lay Yoshi-nocchio, face down and lifeless.

As Luigi reached his house, he saw Lemmy, Larry, Roy and Iggy walking down the road, content with what they had done since they met Yoshi-nocchio. He set Yoshi-nocchio on his bed and wept.

Mario knew better than to just talk; he acted. "Look at what you've done to Yoshi-nocchio! You've set this all up so you can send Yoshi-nocchio into labor as a member of your Koopa army! I'm reporting you to Queen Daisy!" And no sooner had he contacted her than the four were arrested.

That night Mario and Luigi cried so much that they nearly ran out of tears. As they turned away from Yoshi-nocchio, the Pink Fairy appeared, and she repeated her words from earlier: "Prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, and you shall become a real Yoshi." After this she said, "Awaken, Yoshi-nocchio. Awaken."

Yoshi-nocchio was still on the bed, sleeping; but as he awoke he realized that the spikes of gold were from days of old – and his Spiny tail had Yoshi scales – and to his surprise he was Yoshi size – and his body felt fine, not made of pine – and he finally was a real Yoshi!

Mario turned around suddenly because he thought he heard the Pink Fairy, even though he did not see her. When he saw the dinosaur on the bed he and Yoshi-nocchio screamed, alerting Luigi. "What happened?" he sobbed.

"I'm a real Yoshi!" cried a familiar voice from an unfamiliar body.

Luigi turned around, and in his delight he was pleased to see that his wish had indeed come true. Where there had once been a Yoshi marionette was a real Yoshi. "Hooray!" he shouted. "Yoshi-nocchio is real!" He was the last of the three to know it but he was delighted all the same.

Mario noticed on his coat a badge that read "OFFICIAL CONSCIENCE OF YOSHI-NOCCHIO 18K." Then he said, "Well, I guess I came in at the right time!" And he began singing again:

If your heart is in your dreams

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do

And may all your dreams come true


End file.
